There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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