I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
