why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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