I faked an abortion last night.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
