uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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