You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
