Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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