...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
