you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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