I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
