Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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