She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
