Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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