everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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