I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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