I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
