yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
