i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
