you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
