i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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