New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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