My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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