don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
