There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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