she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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