hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize