im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
