Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
