I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
