So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
