does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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