he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
