You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
