Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
