In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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