I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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