I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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