problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
