just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
