Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
