I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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