The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
tell me about the fingering
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
