shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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