Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I cannot find my penis.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
