Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
