Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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