party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my poor anus
Randomize
