She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
