I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
