I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
