im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize