Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
