She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you traded sex for a burrito?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
