i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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