The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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