Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
