he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
and you fell through a lawn chair
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
