i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
