I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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