You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
