One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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