Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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