I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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