so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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