you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
