craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize