Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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