i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
