If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
