I got chris browned last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize