Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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