I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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