He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
