yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
