Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
