i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize