its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
