Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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