Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
