and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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