Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
