"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
