I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
