Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just made my gag reflex go away.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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