i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
