How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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