my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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