my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
