Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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